(My apologies; I’ve been on a bit of a road trip and typing is difficult from passenger seats. The following “continuation” is only another contraction but it IS also two terms closer to the final push of this, “detox dictionary”…)

Large intestine: The function of the large intestine is to maintain fluid balance of the body, absorb certain vitamins, process undigested material and store waste before it is eliminated. Where is it? Well, if you’re anything like I was before my detox, you’re probably looking down at your general belly region and thinking, “Well, I know it’s inside there somewhere…” Post-detox and post twice-daily intestinal self-massages, I now smack myself in the head in astonished embarrassment and wonder if anyone besides me finds it alarming that we modern human beings know so little of that which we consist? Personally, I know I’m more familiar with the insides of a vacuum cleaner than my gut and I would bet most men know the mechanics of their car far more intimately than their own body’s engine. Does this fact suddenly strike anyone as stupidly as it’s struck me? No use in beating ourselves up but we can press further. And I know there’s something terribly scary about feeling (literally) how human we are, but take your hand and, using moderate pressure and looking at the following diagram, start pressing around your abdomen. After you follow the path of your large intestine (the colon being the u-shaped portion), and since you’re in the neighborhood, find your small intestine (in the middle), stomach (above), liver (above as well) and kidneys (side & back) as well. Heck, just for kicks, put your hand over your chest and feel your heart beat. Yes. There is GOOD stuff in there. Shake hands with your insides; the friendship is long overdue.

Bentonite: The definition of Bentonite sounds like a riddle:

What clarifies wine, seals the disposal system of spent nuclear fuel, is used in making professional sand castles, clears the funk from cat litter, is used in drilling mud for oil, can be found in rocket nozzels, is an important ingredient of face masks used to eliminate acne, is the main active ingredient of man’s first industrial cleaning agent, lines landfills, forms from the weathering of volcanic ash, absorbs several times its dry mass in water and safely aids in the removal of long-lodged toxins from the human body?

Well I’ve already given away the answer. But the question, Alex, is:

What is bentonite?

Or at least that’s a selection of the list of attributes and uses of Bentonize stacked by Wikipedia.

Bentonite, perhaps more practically and from the perspective of a detox faster, is simply sludgy spoonfuls of gray clay. It’s pretty tasteless and easy to swallow except for a grittiness in texture that makes every slurper grimace. On this particular detox plan, we slam our bentonite with water, psyllium husk and a little fresh watermelon juice. Once you learn not to “chew” your bentonite “shake” (and thus avoiding the grit by avoiding the grind), the shakes are actually eagerly anticipated, and even — to a few of us — considered tasty. But we are fasting. So even dirt might taste good and being a form of volcanic ash, bentonite is, after all, a close cousin of earth. But in all likelihood, it’s probably less bentonite’s enchanting affect on our palette that gets us fasters excited for our fourth shake of the day and more the fact that the psyllium husk expands in our stomachs and extinguishes the squeezes, pangs, grumbles and all other evidence and feelings of hunger. The bentonite is also functionally appetizing in that it quickly works to absorb and eliminate the toxins broken down and released into the body during the process of fasting. Toxins, being rather nasty in nature as their name would imply, are responsible for the headaches, nausea, rashes, light-headedness, etc. that are typical of a long fast. All these uncomfortable side effects of detoxification get a free and rapid ride out of the body with the help of the bentonite. And thus the friendly combo of psyllium and bentonite gives us fasters something concrete (of which bentonite is ALSO an ingredient) to cheer our sludge shakes over.

So originally I thought to document a day-by-day account of my rollercoaster ride on the detox train. But as anyone who ventures on an extended cleanse quickly discovers: this is hardly a log ride on Splash Mountain were the participants all experience the same dips, soaks and screams at the same time. Quite the contrary and much more like a marathon, each is on her own individual adventure of fasting highs and lows, hills and dips, all of which are easily empathized but never identically experienced by the faster running in front, behind or next to her.

So instead, I’m going to tackle the mysterious lingo of which I, initially, eavesdropped upon and eventually added to my own dictionary through the process of direct experience. That way I’m not presenting a recipe, but only the ingredients, allowing each to himself to sort out his own way of putting it all together.

Let’s get to it.

Detox Camp Dictionary

Detox: Now anyone who has walked through an airport terminal or supermarket checkout counter has probably noticed this word making regular appearances on the faces and front pages of our nations least reputable reporting network; the tabloids. So let us first DISPEL the myth propelled by our favorite socialite and celebrity icons that a detox is:

1. An easy ticket for anorexics to legitimize eating disorders.

2. A weekend vacation from a regular scene and schedule of party drugs.

3. Proof for the judge that one is, “cleaning up,” and doesn’t need to serve time.

4. A standard stop, before the tailor, on the way to the Emmy’s.

Yes. It IS a “secret of the (skinny) stars” to check into a five-star California-based detox center. But while the staff at such a center may assist with, and even clean up after, colonics (which, please, any earth-grounded human being should be quite capable of doing him/herself), they can never assure the “right intention” of the guest, which may be why just as often/quickly as we hear headlines of celebrities checking INTO a detox center, we hear news of them, “breaking out.”

Let’s return to Thailand.

Back in my days of irrationally fearing colonics, I asked of the Wellness Centers’ staff, “but what is natural about pushing 5 gallons of coffee through the end of your body that is made only for exits?”

And the answer, I had to admit, was good:

“It’s not natural. But neither is the diet of modern man. If we humans ate as our bodies intended, a diet comprised of mostly raw and organic vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds and even, moderately, meats, then there would be no need for cleansing. But what is natural about the pesticides, medicines, hormones, preservatives and the other chemicals that the 21st century human being ingests, thrice-plus, daily? Nothing. And what the human body cannot process, it stores by lodging itself, conveniently, in the crevasses of our bodies, particularly in our intestines. What a colonic is doing is nothing more than helping to clean out the dump of unnatural toxins we have already accumulated in our bodies. Cleansing is how we get our bodies BACK to a “natural” state.”

Yes. That’s a good answer. But even better is their final disclaimer:

“Listen. We don’t want to tell you anything. We want you to both question and figure it out for yourself. And there’s only one way to do that.”

Ah. A direct hit on the nail-head of one of my favorite life mantras: “learn through direct experience.”

Detoxification, ultimately, is a word directly linked and respective to what a person has already ingested; it’s a personal interpretation. And for that reason I have to leave the definition of “detox” up to each individual and his/her direct experience of it.

Don’t worry. The rest of the terms have a lot less outlets than the intersection that the word, “detox” just ran me in.