a thai tatoo

I’m here! And can you believe it — I already have the typical scars of a new arrival: a lobster-like burn and a nice little pussful road rash from my first and embarrassingly brief encounter with a scooter bike.

Ridiculous really. And completely comic. I actually ran the thing into a wall. *lol* Certainly a finalist for America’s Funniest Home Videos had it been caught on tape. Why I choose to expose the shameful details of my absurdity here instead of just saying I had a “motor bike accident” is truly beyond me. Maybe I’ve just had too good of a time laughing at myself to hoard all the hysterics. Conveniently, I crashed the thing in front of a pharmacy. Not so conveniently, when I stood up and went into the pharmacy, the attendent handed me some toilet paper.

*?!*

After pointing clearly to the blood running down my leg, the attendent went behind the counter and returned with a large bottle of Eye Contact Solution.

I repeat…. *?!*.

A little translating and peroxide later, I was bandaged and happy. Of course, it’s quite difficult to be UNhappy when you’re hammocked up outside your bungalow on a white sand beach with a cold beer and a stomach full of the most delicious pad thai your taste buds have ever had the good fortune to meet. I’m living in a Corona commerical, and no amount of iodine or neosporin can put a damper on that fact.

Yes. Thailand is about to go down in my travel journal at the very, tip top of my “Best Beaches” list. It’s clean, outrageously beautiful and ridiculously cheap. It’s high season, and I’m payin’ no more than 1 US dollar for the finest of meals and $3 a night for a bungalow on the beach. I’m not sure it gets much better than this. (Although the diving is, I’m told, “shiat” and the Whale Shark is JUST as legendary and mythical as it was in Honduras.)

This whole “full moon party” business, however, is something I’m NOT so sure about. Ah. But maybe I shouldn’t speak so soon. I should give it a chance before I comment, eh? And that chance comes tonight. The estimate is down to 10,000 people — not that that really makes a difference. I see here that the computer next to me is compliant with my camera, so I should have images coming soon. And that’s where I’ll leave it. Okay. I’m just gonna limp and gimp my way back to my hammock now. Feel free to laugh out loud. :) Cheers!

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adventure incognito

Adventure Incognito

“Everything will work out.”

A simple mantra chanted regularly by travelers around the world.

“Everything will work out.”

Easy to advice, more challenging to receive, and sometimes downright impossible to believe.

Easy to advice — when it’s not YOU who has just had your only credit card (and only form of monetary funds) rejected at the third bank due to “inadequate funds.” Challenging to receive — when you find YOUR backpack slashed and your passport missing. Impossible to believe — when you find YOURSELF stranded on an island because of bad weather, with a flight to catch the next morning.

But it happens to all of us. Very few travelers are spared at least a few fearful, panicked, nerve-wrecking or adrenaline-pumping moments while on the road. And it doesn’t matter how many credit cards you bring, or how many locks you put on your pack, or how many days you left yourself to get to the airport because The Travel Gods of Misfortune and Accident care little for those details. But maybe we are making judgments too quickly? Maybe, if we look closer at our most memorable travel tales, we will see that it is exactly that element of insecurity, mistake or hazard that made those excursions so remarkable and memorable. And maybe we will recognize that it is actually the Goddess of Adventure, spreading her magic in the GUISE of the God of Misfortune and the RUSE of the God of Accident, but simply traveling incognito.

Maybe.

Amsterdam, Netherlands (August 1999)

The last day on my two-month tour of Europe and I found that in addition to overdrawing my two bank accounts, I had somehow lost my emergency fund of forty dollars that I was relying on to get me through the night and to the airport. After having run across town to three different full hostels, I found myself at the counter of The Flying Pig hostel in downtown Amsterdam. Exhaustion, trepidation, and apprehension were only a few of the feelings wrenching my gut as I dropped my heavy pack to the floor and with begging eyes, inquired as to if a single cot in the dorm was available. The attendant, without looking up, apologized and said no. My panic must have taken form, jumped up on the desk, let out a yelp and collapsed on the booking sheet he was studying, because he looked up, into my eyes, and said, “Um. Well, wait here. Let me see.” An hour later I was settled into a cot paid for at the discounted rate of “whatever you can dig up in your pack” (which actually included money in three different currencies). Somehow, the rumor of my moneyless-ness had spread, and as I collapsed into the pillows in the living room, I found myself approached by three different strangers. One dropped me off a sandwich, one passed me a beer, and one offered me herb; Three kings with offerings better than frankincense and myrrh. I was even offered the train fare to get to the airport. And they expected nothing in return. “Everything worked out,” thanks to the astounding generosity of these favors from complete strangers.

Isla Grande, Brazil (March 2000)

We had hired a boat and captain to take us to the other side of the island on a three-hour tour (…a threeeee-hour tour). Our “mistake” was not checking out the quality and speed of his boat. It took us five hours just to get to our destination on the other side of the island. Our captain informed us that it would take at least as long to get back, but now it was getting dark, the water was rough and we were going against the wind and waves. I had to get back by the next afternoon in order to catch a ferry to the mainland to get back to Rio, where I was to catch my return flight to the US. But the four Australians we had just spent a fantastic day with on the boat invited us to flip off that fate and, instead, camp out the night on that side of the island with them. We asked the captain if he could return and pick us up first thing in the morning. He told us he couldn’t assure anything, but he’d “try.” “Will any other boats come by?” we inquired. He told us the chances were very slim.

“To hell with it! Drop us off at the next village!”

The next village was a small stretch of beach with a few houses — all home to related families of fishermen. We waved goodbye to the captain *wondering if we’d ever see him again* and hopped onto the beach with nothing but our bikinis. That night, the six of us toasted Caipirinhas on the open deck of a house owned by one of the fisherman. He cooked for us a splendid supper of the fish and squid he had caught that day and proudly showed me a picture of a “brother who’s best friend had a son that lived in California.” Another local made his way up to the deck playing a tambourine and singing in Portuguese. He played, laughed and danced until we had pushed all the dinner tables out of the way and were ALL dancing, laughing and singing with him. It went on like this for hours. Eventually a swim was suggested. Having never heard of phosphorescence in science class, I could only conclude that the trail of glowing light that followed each underwater movement was NOTHING less than pure magic. Our enthrallment and pure delight with the underwater fire works made even the blood dripping down our legs (from crashing up on the coral) only laughable. “Enchanted” is the only word I can use to describe that night. And the next day the captain DID show up….two hours late. On the ride back home, we caught up to a speed boat, hailed it down, jumped boats and raced back to the port. We made our scheduled ferry by about five minutes — and, *surprise* — “everything worked out” just perfectly.

Tortugero, Costa Rica (October 2000)

Tortugero is a small town in Costa Rica that is ONLY accessible by boat through canals or by plane. Opting for a day longer on the island instead of a day traveling by boat and bus, my best travel mate Kim, and I, had purchased plane tickets to get us back to San Jose in time for our return flights to the States. We showed up at the “airport” promptly at 7:30 for our 8:00 flight. I put the word “airport” in quotes because the “airport”, in this case, was simply a sand landing patch. A plane landed and we loaded our luggage and boarded the small craft. After take off, I inquired as to why we were heading North instead of West. I was told that we were picking up a few more passengers in a small town called Yamaha. This I noted as peculiar as I looked around and saw that there was only ONE seat left vacant on the plane.

I nudged Kim and laughed nervously, “We ARE on the right plane aren’t we? Cause we didn’t give that guy our tickets did we?”

A man across the isle interjected, “You’re going to San Jose right? Yep! This is the right plane!”

As the plane came down for landing, Kim and I laughed at such a silly idea. Ha! Busses and trains, sure…but now really, who could actually get on the wrong plane?

While we all waited patiently, I observed outside two awaiting passengers talking with the pilots. I watched as the passengers hand gestures became more animated and angry, and as the pilots pulled out papers and scratched their heads.

And then I knew it. A shit-eating grin was all I could manage as one of the pilots boarded the plane and announced, “I’m going to read off a roster of names. If you could please raise your hand if your name is NOT called, I would appreciate it.”

He didn’t need to read the roster. We raised our hands and I choked back on my giggles.

He looked us directly in the eyes and said, “I’m sorry. But one of you will have to stay here.”

I could stifle no longer. Laughing, I asked, “And where are we sir? And are there any busses or boats we can catch to get to San Jose?”

“I’m sorry. But one of you will have to stay,” he repeated. “You can only leave this town by plane. I will try to contact the plane that you were SUPPOSED to be on, and maybe they can come and pick you up here.”

THAT was certainly an idea worthy of more laughs.

Five minutes later, we found ourselves sitting on our backpacks, in the middle of the runway, in a town in the middle of NOWHERE, waving goodbye to our plane…. and laughing hysterically about these facts.

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When the laughing fit finally subsided, we smiled and exchanged “Now what?” glances at each other.

“Everything will work out. It always does,” we agreed.

As if on cue, a man, out of nowhere appeared and said, “Hear you guys have a problem. I know a guy. I’ll send him over.” And he walked away. Five more minutes later, we met Mr. Brown. He shook our hands firmly and said, “Ya know? It JUST so happens that I have a flight of guys coming in for a fishing expedition in half an hour. My plane is going to San Jose afterwards. I’ll let you jump on board for half of whatever you paid for that other flight.” My mate flashed me a “Shit! Do we have enough money?” look that Mr. Brown caught faster than I did. He grinned. “Hey…how ‘bout you guys just pay me back the next time you’re in Costa Rica, okay? Deal?!” He flashed us a huge and happy smile, handed me his card and wished us blessings. We were in San Jose less than two hours later.

I could tell a few dozen more stories, but I have faith that the reader is recognizing a pattern. The story problems differ, but the conclusion is always the same; “Everything always works out.” And once this is recognized, the equation can be simplified and the factors of “stress” and “worry” crossed out. Life has this endearing quality of constantly moving forward…and like pulling out the knots on a roll of rope, if you just keeping moving forward, focusing on one inch at a time, things seem to have a way of simply pulling themselves out straight.

“Everything works itself out.”

And the favors that I received from those strangers never go unappreciated. That day in Amsterdam, I happily vowed to be forever in travel-favor-debt. Now I regularly invite homeless travelers to crash on my couch and take opportunities to slip some cash into the book of someone who’s credit card was eaten in an ATM or offer a beer to a traveler on his or her last and penny-less day of adventure abroad; All in aspiration of having the opportunity to offer a Mr.Brown-type-blessing one day. It came around and I will make sure it continues to go around, taking my turn, and playing MY role in “making everything work out” for others.

Many travelers have learned, as I have, that some of the best adventures are found off the planned path. It’s important not to label those turns in the road as trouble or misfortune, for really, they are not so much “turns” in the road, as they are forks. Adventures are never lost, but they can change. And that change might be instigated by something originally perceived as “less-than-lucky.” But if not for lost money, how would I have found a new faith in the goodness of strangers in a hostel in Holland? But if not for a misleading captain, a slow boat and some rough water, how else would I have found the magic in the music of a tambourine and fireworks in the water of a fishing village in Brazil? And if not for sand-patch airports and poor check-in procedures, how else would I have witnessed an angel in action and received the blessing of Mr. Brown? It is in thanks to “misfortune” and “mistake” that today I can raise my hand and proclaim, “Yes! Actually, I HAVE gotten on the wrong plane before!”

Watch events unfold and stay open to a possibility of a happy, even IF alternative, conclusion. For Adventure travels incognito. And recognizing and receiving her as such — are what put both the fun AND freedom into traveling.

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stick men with guns – confession of an armed robbery victim

Stick Men With Guns

Confession of an Armed Robbery Victim

Place: Livingston, Guatemala

Date: May 9th, 2001

Time: 11:00 a.m.

Stina was my hostel hammock neighbor. She and I exchanged introductions in the morning over shared banana bread and it was quickly decided that we would motivate our hammock-numbed bums to go see a “legendary” 7-tier waterfall called “The Seven Altars”. We pulled out the lonely planet guide and read, “a beautiful, serene and safe 1-hour hike along the beach to one of the most magical spots in Guatemala”. We stopped at a tour agency in town and I inquired as to if the trail was indeed safe or if a guide was needed. “Completely safe” the agent told me and she pointed on a map where to start the walk. We ran into a guide I had met the night before on our way down to the beach….”It’s safe right?”, I asked again. He waved us off with a smile….”totally safe…no worries.” We threw some snacks and bottled water in our bags and made our way to the ocean. Within an hour, we had reached the end of the beach. We had been told to look for a path into the jungle, and that 15 minutes along it we would find our magical waterfall. Well, we found two paths, one leading up….and one leading down. We opted for up and 15 minutes along the path we found the awe-inspiring “Seven Altars of Mud and Mosquitos”. Whoops. No one had told us that in the dry season there wasn’t actually any WATER in this FALL, but rather just dried out ponds floating under fluffy clouds of mosquito-mating-heaven. BUT the smell of a heated and wet jungle happens to be my favorite, and in combination with the snow-like fall of white seeds from a particularly interesting tree in it’s own season of heat, was enough to arouse my attention and interest for a good hour. After the mosquitos had eaten their full of our blood and we were craving a lunch of our own, we decided to make our way back. We ran into two young American girls with a local guide on our way out. We exchanged hellos, made dates for evening drinks and progressed DOWN the *other* trail that they had taken.

Five minutes down this trail I glanced up from the rock and tumble and saw two men with guns running down the trail that we had climbed an hour earlier.

My heart stopped. (My heart stops right now as I write this.) When it chose to beat again, it did so at double pace. My stomach dropped with nausea.

*Robbery. Rape. Rape. Robbery. This is how it happens. I’m going to be robbed. I might be raped. This is happening. Look around. What am I going to do. What are my options.*

My thoughts are rather sane and calm and I’m astounded at this fact. I look around. Ocean. Small path over rock. I realize the men were waiting to jump us on the path that we took earlier, and are running to catch up with us as we foiled their initial plan by changing routes. Stina sees the men, but she doesn’t realize what’s going on. I stop her from walking and I look the men in the eyes as they approach. They stop five feet away and the one in front half-smiles and waves us forward…

“Pase Adelante”

For one second, my heart eases at the idea that this JUST might be some type of police. After all, we see men with big guns every single day, strolling the streets, in pick-up trucks, outside of every bar…..

He raises the rifle up and points it at us as we pass.

We stop. So does my heart.

*Remember what he’s wearing. Blue pants. Green shirt. Rape. Short straight hair. Mustache. Machete in his belt. Rape. The other man is skinny. Blue shirt. Blue pants. Younger. 20′s? Black boots. Rape.*

He motions with his rifle towards my bag.

*$500 dollar digital camera. Gone. He won’t have any idea how to use it. It can’t be used without the parts I have in my room. What a waste. How do you say that in Spanish? Rape. Where can we run?*

He pulls out the camera and turns it over a few times. He takes out the money. He takes the pocket knife. He hands me back my bag. He motions his gun towards me again. Towards my pants.

*RAPE, RAPE*

My mind screams for two seconds before he motions again….towards my pockets. I understand. I pull them inside out and show them they are empty. The skinny man empties the bag and pockets of Stina.

The first man motions for us to walk. We walk.

There is a man with a gun pointed at my back. I walk.

*Do we run. Will they shoot us if we run. Will they shoot us anyway. What will I see if I look back. This is how it feels to have a gun pointed at my back. If I die, these are my last thoughts, these are my last feelings.”

We walk. We don’t turn around. We walk fast. And then, we run.

We reach the beach and stop three pairs of travelers on their way….we tell them what happened. It’s almost like they don’t believe us…or like they don’t WANT to believe us. None of them want to walk back an hour without seeing the altars. They all have to sit down to think about it. As if there is a decision to be made? It’s shocking to me.

Stina and I stop at the nearest restaurant on the beach. The waiters see it in our eyes. We try to tell them the story in my limited Spanish while they call the police, but it’s useless, both our Spanish and calling the police. We find ourselves ACTING out the scenario…and it’s SO silly, we break out in hysterics. We laugh. We laugh until we cry. After our laughing fit, the waiter offers me a cigarette. I don’t smoke, but I take it and stare at my shaking hand. The police never answer the phone, so we leave. On our way back to town we see a motorized cart with three men in police uniform. We chase them down the street and try to tell them what happened. They take us to the “station”, a small open-aired room with a desk and a note pad. One officer sits at the desk. Two stand at the door asking us questions. Stina speaks no Spanish. I try and end up resorting to my game of charades, but it’s not their game, so I give a shot at Pictionary instead. I grab the note pad. I draw stick girls walking on the beach, on the trail, at the altars, and walking back. I draw stick men with guns. I make small sound effects as the stick men run down the path toward the stick girls. I draw stick machetes and a stick man with a stick mustache and stick boots.

They ask me my mother’s name. And my mother’s maiden name. And my father’s name. An officer takes the blank note pad and writes, “Victim, daughter of Mr and Mrs….”. I’m baffled as to what my parents have to do with this, but just shake my head and laugh again. There are eight policemen now. They pass around my stick men drawings, chatter and laugh. Then they tell us to go home and pick up the report in the morning.

It isn’t until we return to our hostel that we remember the American girls that we met at the altars. We find them sitting on the stairs of our hostel. Their shoes and bags are gone. They have cuts and scratches all over their hands, arms and legs. They tell us that as soon as we left, three men with rifles and ski masks on, jumped them. The armed men told the local guide to stand up. They told him they were going to kill him. He stood up. And he ran. And then, they too, turned and ran. Through the jungle. They left everything. They had heard gun shots later and had been worried mad about us.

Place: Antigua, Guatemala

Date: January 27th, 2002

Time: Now

So that`s the story. I’ve summed it up into five sentences at least a hundred times since that day, each time with a laugh or a no-big-deal air. People ask me where my digital camera is and I tell them I donated it to the black market or gave it away to a nice man I met in the jungle who had a gun. But my ease and humor with the events of that day are false. This is my confession.

When I arrived in Guatemala ten months ago, I had read all the Embassy warnings. I excused most of them as over-exaggerations on the part of the media and rationalized with, “Nothing`s fun if there isn’t a risk involved!”. I tromped through my travels with a pair of sun glasses, courtesy of American society, that painted the world school-bus-yellow, the color of that seemingly impenetrable sense of security I was raised to believe in.

Seemingly.

Sometimes when I see those glasses on other fresh travelers, I don`t know which I do more…. resent them or long to wear them again. But those glasses came off that day in the jungle. Those glasses were thrown in the garbage can in the following eight months when I heard dozens of other first hand tales of gun and knife point robberies. Those glasses were pulled from the garbage can and cracked in half when I witnessed the before and after face of a rape victim. And those glasses were cried over when a friend was murdered in a robbery so like my own that it raised an entire set of questions I’m still trying to answer. I see my old confidence in others’ eyes. And I want it back. I want to NOT have to take a taxi for a few blocks because the street is dark. I want NOT to have to skip out on a hike because there have been reported attacks recently. I want NOT to cross streets to avoid suspicious cars or persons. I want NOT to second-guess a person or car in trouble. I want NOT to doubt the intentions of a person’s hospitality.

But more that I do not want those things, I do not want to walk away from my experience without accepting my lesson. And my lesson was to find that delicate balance between safety and adventure. Awareness comes at a price. And honestly, I know that my price was small. I`ve heard my story a dozen times with terrible endings, with the ending that my mind was so silently screaming in my head that day in the jungle. My price was only an expensive camera, some cash and a pair of yellow-tinted, American-made false-sense-of-security-sunglasses. Those things add up to a penny compared to the value of my life and health. I like to think that the swap from sunglasses to bi-focals hasn’t hindered my passion for travel, but only expanded my peripheral vision, for there are a lot of things still in this world that I intend to see. Meanwhile and moving forward, I will just continue to walk this tight-rope of safety and adventure, learning through experience, how to find my balance.

(For those planning on traveling Guatemala, I HIGHLY recommend heeding these precautions. From my experience, they are right-on the mark.)

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